She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
