so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
