you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
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