There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
