sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
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porn star boner night. come get it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
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I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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