Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
