Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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