Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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