Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
