Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Holy sore nipples Batman
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
