One girl and one boy is just not enough.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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