it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
