did you get engaged???
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
