You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
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i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
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Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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