I got chris browned last night
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
