i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
