Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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