chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
