3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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