OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
