i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
