Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
