I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
