im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
