I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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