I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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