He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
