i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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