idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
