Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize