I think im going to throw up on grandma
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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