i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I am available for nakedness
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
