her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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