then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
