trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
