Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
