bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
