Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
