My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
