By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
