doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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