I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
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It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
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I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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