we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
