I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
