Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
