I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she peed on how many people?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
How external is "for external use only"?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
