WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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