last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
