Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
