Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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