dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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