I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
