i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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