ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
