Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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