i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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