ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
