best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
