Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
soo... how was my night?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
