I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
