There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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