so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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