Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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