Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
