the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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