just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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