so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
