my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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