the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
