Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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