I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
