The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
