Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
