yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
