i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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