Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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