where does the pee come out of this thing
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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