I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
