someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
