Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
