I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
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Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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