Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
