Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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