So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
