I should be sponsored by Trojan
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Randomize
