Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
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I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
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I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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