but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
