Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
